Figuring out how to stop being a loner and turn into a social butterfly can be extremely difficult in your 20s and 30s.
Institutions like high school and college make it easy to build social connections, because we interact with the same people almost every day.
Our proximity to each other and shared interests allow us to befriend similar people that we get to know on a deeper level.
But sometimes, adulthood hits like a ton of bricks.
On top of aging, changing environments, and having less time in our daily lives, we don’t have the opportunities we once had to foster genuine friendships and relationships.
Outside of work, people now have to be intentional about making new friends and putting forth an effort to form relationships that are more than surface level.
And what’s worse is when you’re shy, suffer from social anxiety, or are simply an introvert that doesn’t get energy from people, making friends can be that much harder.
People also don’t remain the same. You may be extroverted and the life of the party in college, but prefer your own company to others as an older adult.
Social groups change with the seasons, but it’s always much healthier to have a small group of friends or associates to do life with.
They can be old friends, brand new friends, coworkers, family members, or people you collect while on the journey through life.
Thankfully, being a loner doesn’t have to be a permanent label. If you’re hoping to build new connections and step out of your comfort zone, I’m sharing ten actionable ways to help you break free from your solitary habits and start making friends.
But before we get to the list, it’s important to reflect on some reasons why you became a loner to begin with.
What causes someone to be a loner?
SOCIAL ANXIETY and Introversion
There’s a significant difference between social anxiety and introversion.
People who suffer from social anxiety have an extreme fear of being scrutinized or judged negatively by others. It often causes self-consciousness and embarrassment during their daily interactions with others.
While introversion is a personality trait, that’s characterized by a preference for solitary or low-stimulation environments. They feel more energized when they are alone or engaging in small group settings.
Many loners deal with social anxiety or are introverts at heart.
Past Trauma
Friendships aren’t always a cake walk. Like any other relationship, they require effort, time investment, and work.
Toxic friendships, however, are unhealthy and can leave deep scars. Unless you’re extremely lucky, there’s a pretty good chance that someone you really cared about has burned you in the past.
Whether in friendships or relationships, negative experiences like bullying, betrayal by a friend, or abuse can make it difficult to trust again.
People want to feel safe and supported by the people around them. When you’re repeatedly double crossed, it becomes hard to open up the door to new friendships again, which inevitably leads to isolation.
Relocation and lack of support
When you’re relocating for a new job opportunity, home purchase, or personal decision to move to another country, you don’t anticipate how much time you’ll spend alone without family and friends nearby.
Discovering how to stop being a loner when you’re older is a difficult feat for most.
Some people don’t become loners by choice. They actively want to find a new tribe and a few shoulders they can lean on.
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Career Demands
Work can be very time consuming, if you allow it to be. When a healthy work-life balance is non-existent, various other areas of your life get neglected.
A social life is usually the first thing that people give up when they are shifting careers, adjusting to a new role, or simply at a job that doesn’t value their time or life outside of work.
High-pressure jobs with long working hours leave little room for socializing. Instead of having the energy to meet up with your girlfriends or go on a date night after work, you feel overwhelmed.
Prioritizing your career over relationships can eventually lead to isolation as well. At some point your career will need to take a back seat to your social life. It’s a very important step to learning how to stop being a loner.
A SHIFT In PRIORITIES
Life in your 20s, 30s, and 40s will look completely different.
Crossing significant milestones such as marriage, motherhood, aging parents, or personal growth will make socializing seem less important.
Unfortunately, this is a result of people shifting their priorities and growing apart. Learning how to stop being a loner will take time and sacrifice. Create space and time for the people you value the most, friends are included in that.
Prioritizing Romantic Relations
We all know a friend or two that disappears whenever they are in a relationship or get hitched.
Such is life, but we all have to ensure that we are maintaining healthy connections outside of our love lives. You won’t ever learn how to stop being a longer, if you’re ditching all your friends left and right.
In a relationship, it is important to set boundaries and expectations with your partner. When you invest more time into romantic partnerships, your social circles will inevitably shrink.
Fewer connections with people outside of an all-consuming relationship is likely to result. Just make sure that you’re keeping a healthy balance between nurturing your friendships and relationships.
Friendship Burnout
Drama isn’t always why friendships end. Overtime, friendships dissolve because of a lack of communication and mutual investment.
Friendships require just as much work as relationships, and oftentimes, the reciprocity is one-sided. Some people overly give in friendships. They are always the listener, cheerleader, or the one making plans.
Great friends fall by the wayside all the time because they feel unappreciated, drained, and unvalued. Burnout can cause them to withdraw to preserve their energy and well-being. But, if you want to learn how to stop being a loner, you must heal and be open to new friendships.
Fear of Rejection
The fear of not being accepted by a group or constantly worrying about how others perceive you can lead to self-imposed isolation as self-protection.
How to break out of being a loner?
Group Activities
Slowly put yourself out there by joining small group activities. Whether it’s a club, sports team, or weekly hobby, you can engage in with like-minded people, start signing up today.
Get out of your comfort zone by trying a new fitness class, getting involved with a hobby group, or becoming a regular at your local community center.
Do the thing that excites you most, and you’ll be able to build connections with people that have the same interests as you in no time.
Volunteer
Volunteering provides you with an opportunity to give back to a cause, but also meets like-minded people in the interim. What better friends can you find than people who are passionate about similar things as you?
Most people don’t volunteer because of time constraints, but one Saturday out of the month or whenever your schedule permits is more than enough.
Imagine having the ability to help others while meeting lifelong friends, too.
Say Yes more often
I know I’m not the only one that craves connection and socializing every blue moon. Ninety percent of the time, I’m a homebody. I enjoy my company, and don’t veer too far outside of the social network that I’ve already established.
I’ll experience occasional spurts of wanting to get out more and meet new people, usually doing the warmer months.
But as soon as autumn arrives, all I want to do is retreat into my cocoon with cozy hobbies I can do at home alone.
Then I wonder why I’m not able to meet new people?
Take my advice, leave the house, and stop making excuses when you’re invited out on dates or fun events.
For the next 30 days, say yes to every invite you receive from friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers.
You’ll start making new friends in no time.
initiate Conversations
Yes, this is easier said than done. But in order to learn how to stop being a loner, you must rid yourself of social awkwardness for good.
One way is to build your confidence.
Pretend you’re a famous when you walk into a room and strike up a conversation. Most people admire others that are confident, they want it to rub off on them.
What you have to say matters. This doesn’t mean you have to be the life of the party or the one that always initiates a conversation.
Practice making small talk with people you regularly see, such as neighbors or coworkers, to build up your comfort of public speaking.
You don’t have to be a ‘know-it-all’ or an expert on every subject. Small conversations can be as simple as asking someone about their pet, favorite movie, or simply giving a compliment.
Reconnect With Old Friends
Figuring out how to stop being a loner can be easily resolved by doing just one simple thing. Reconnect with past friends that you lost touch with.
One way to make new friends is to reach back out to the old. Sometimes rekindling old friendships is easier than starting off from square one with people you don’t know.
But there’s a caveat, only reconnect with old friends you had healthy relationships with. If there was any ounce of toxicity, leave them behind.
Form an online community
Social media isn’t only for doom scrolling and entertainment. It’s a tool that’s used to join communities related to your personal interests and meet new people virtually.
The online world is vast and a great space to find people with similar passions and a low pressure way to start conversations. So, if you often deal with social anxiety, attending virtual meetups may be your jam.
Networking events
For those who are social butterflies at heart, networking events are absolutely perfect.
Networking events aren’t always for career professionals, they are for hobbyists, super fans, movie addicts, and much more.
Organizers often set up structured settings for networking workshops and events that encourage interactions around selected topics.
Extroverts looking to meet new friends may thrive in this type of environment.
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Take The Initiative
Sometimes, you must take the first step to make new friends. If there’s a guy or gal you hit things off with, don’t be afraid to invite them for coffee or suggest another fun activity you all can experience together.
Being proactive shows that you’re interested in developing a friendship and find value in their company.
Change Your Body Language
There are so many of us that are in our heads while in public or dealing with ‘RBF’, which may make us appear unapproachable.
Being present in the moment is important.
Really ‘see’ the people standing in front of you and take an interest in who they are. When you smile, have a relaxed demeanor, and make eye contact, people will inevitably gravitate towards you.
Be Patient With Yourself
Building genuine connections with new people takes time. I’ve always been an advocate of quality friends over quantity.
The best friendships develop naturally, so don’t get discouraged if things don’t click right away.
Breaking out of the loner lifestyle is a process in itself.
You want to know how to stop being a loner and make friends in your 20s, 30s, and 40s?
Start by putting yourself out there, stay positive, and remain open to new experiences. Your social circle will gradually build overtime.
Curious about more ways to simplify your life? Start the 31-Day Simple Living Challenge today!
I teach entrepreneurs how to simplify their life and business with less + own their time and maximize productivity towards their personal and monetary goals.
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